“Wara tnax-il sena li jiena u r-raġel ma kellniex it-tfal tagħna, għażilna li mmorru għall-fostering. Ma kinitx b’għażla li ma jkollniex tfal. Għaddejt minn ħafna tbatija speċjalment li kull darba kont nitlef it-tarbija. Il-problema ta’ ‘recurrent miscarriages’ hija sitwazzjoni partikolari u li jgħaddu minnha ħafna nies. Illum nieħdu ħsieb tlett itfal, il-kbira ġejja minn familja u t-tnejn iż-żgħar ġejjin minn familja oħra. Il-kbira kellha kważi erba’ snin meta ġiet magħna u l-aħwa kellhom 3 snin u sena u nofs. L-aħwa ġew wara ħames snin li konna ffosterjajna l-ewwel tifla. Kellna wkoll żewġ esperjenzi qosra fejn ħadna ħsieb tfal li mbagħad ma baqgħux jgħixu magħna. Għalkemm ma damux magħna xorta hemm rokna għalihom f’qalbi.
Trid tkun issetiljajt l-issue tiegħek li ma kellekx tfal tiegħek qabel ma taddotta jew tagħmel fostering. Il-professjoni tiegħi hija ta’ ħaddiema soċjali. L-istudju tad-dottorat tiegħi kien jiffoka fuq il-Protezzjoni tat-Tfal. Illum jiena lettur l-universita’ fil-qasam tal-ħidma soċjali. Minn kemm ili miżżewġa ħdimt mill-qrib mat-tfal. Xħin dħalna għall-fostering, kont naf għal xiex dieħla. Fostering kienet l-għażla li flimkien għamilna jiena u r-raġel.
Għalkemm it-tfal jafu li m’iniex l-omm bijoloġika tagħhom lili Ma jgħiduli. Inħoss responsabbilta’ kbira ħafna. Lil dawn it-tfal trid trabbihom f’ħafna mħabba biex ittaffilhom mill-ġrieħi li jkunu ġarrbu inkluż dik tat-telfa. Hawn Malta hawn ħafna bżonn ta’ foster carers. Ħafna nies imorru għall-addozzjoni minflok fostering. Jista’ jkun li għad hemm biża’ li dak li jkun ikun investa ħafna meta jaf li t-tfal jistgħu ma jibqgħux miegħu.
Jiena sinċerament ma għadnix ngħid kemm nixtieq li għandi t-tfal tiegħi. Jiena veru xtaqt u ħlomt li jkolli l-ulied Kont inħoss l-għajta ta’ motherhood u kienet prijorita’ għalija u traġedja li ma kellix tfal. lmma llum ngħid li minkejja l-isfidi, tant hi esperjenza pożittiva u b’saħħitha din l-esperjenza ta’ fostering, li nħoss li din kellha tkun it-triq tiegħi u nħossni kompletament fil-paċi bil-mod kif qed ngħix l-esperjenza ta’ familja”. – Daniella Zerafa
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“After 12 years of unsuccessfully trying to have our own children, we opted for fostering. It was not our choice not to have children. I have been through a lot of suffering especially every time I miscarried a baby. The problem of “recurrent miscarriages” is a particular one and many people go through it. Now we take care of three children, the eldest comes from one family and the two younger ones from another family. The eldest child was nearly four years old when she joined us and the siblings were three and a half. They joined us five years after we had fostered our first girl. We also went through another two short experiences where we looked after children who then moved on. Even though they were not with us for long I still hold a place in my heart for them.
You need to have come to terms with the fact that you cannot have your own children before you adopt or foster. I am a social worker. My doctorate focused on the Protection of Children. I am now a university lecturer at the Department of Social Work. I have always worked close with children since I have been married. I knew exactly what we were getting into when we decided to foster. Fostering was a decision made jointly with my husband.
Even though the children are aware that I am not their biological mother they call me Mum. I feel a huge responsibility towards them. These children need to be surrounded with a lot of love to make up for the wounds inflicted on them including loss. Malta needs a lot of foster carers. Most people opt for adoption rather than fostering. It could well be that there is a certain reluctance since they know that after investing so much in these children they could move on.
I honestly no longer say that I wish for my own children. It is true that I wished and dreamt of having children. I used to feel the yearning for motherhood and it was a priority for me and a tragedy that I could not have my own children. But nowadays I feel that in spite of all the challenges, fostering is such a positive and powerful experience that I believe that this was my calling and I feel completely at peace with the way I am experiencing the gift of having a family.” – Daniella Zerafa